Chapter 10: Lean on Me

You Say That the World Doesn’t Need a Savior, But Everyday I Still Poo in a Bucket

I hate not being in control. I never drink heavily or take medication unless I really have to just because I don’t like feeling like I’m not in control of my own body. I guess you could say I have control issues. I may not be nearly as bad as some other people I’ve known, but it’s still there. I hate having to rely on people even more, yet I continuously find myself in a position where I have to do that very thing.

I’ve previously mentioned the accident I had two years ago but for those of you with the memory of an Alzheimer’s patient: I was carrying a load of laundry to my car around one o’clock in the morning from my friend’s place when I tripped and sprained my right ankle pretty bad. No big deal, right? Well, as I was falling I also managed to dislocate and break my left ankle in three places because I’m just that multi-talented. The surgeon that performed the surgery and implanted the foot-long metal plate that causes me to be strip searched at airports into my leg said that in over thirty years of being a doctor he’d only seen one other injury that bad, and that had been a football injury. So if anyone asks I tell them I broke it saving a kid from a runaway bus. That sounds more impressive than “football injury” or “carrying laundry”.

The result of the accident was I couldn’t put any weight on it at all and was basically bed ridden for four months. After two weeks in the hospital I had to move out of my apartment, leave my job, and move from Chattanooga to my parent’s house in Memphis. Now, for most independent adults having to move back in with their parents when they’re used to living on their own would be bad enough. For me, I got to live on a bed-island in my parent’s living room because the other rooms of the house were too small and the wheelchair I had to use was too big to fit through the doorframes. That’s right folks, for four months I got to poo in a bucket in the middle of my parent’s living room. There aren’t too many people, besides binge drinking teens, that can make such a claim.

To my parents credit, and my eternal thanks, they did all they could to make the horrible situation as comfortable as they could. They completely moved around everything in the living room so that my bed was in the center and I could see the TV. My dad set up my computer to the right of my bed- complete with internet connection so I could surf the web, talk to friends, and do any number of geeky things to keep myself entertained. They had the equivalent of a 26 year old sumo-baby that they had to feed, clean up (the aforementioned poo in a bucket), and basically wait on hand and foot because I couldn’t do anything myself- and they never complained or made me feel worse about my situation than I already did.

I worked hard at rehab and actually surprised all my doctors by being ready to go back to Chattanooga in four months as opposed to the 6 months- a year that they’d predicted. Unfortunately for me, not a year later the church I worked for laid off the entire staff and I found myself back in Memphis with my parents- this time with two hyperactive kittens in tow. On the plus side, all three of us are able to use our given restroom facilities as opposed to a bucket. Hey, you have to look at the bright side of things.

Come Together, Right Now

With this current generation there’s this stigma about living with family after a certain age- like you’ve become a failure at life if you’re not out in your own apartment filled with IKEA merchandise. Not so long ago it was the norm for the kids to live with their parents until they got married, with everyone helping to contribute to the household. With cost of living on the rise (it is ridiculously expensive to live on your own without at least a roommate) and our country experiencing the worst recession since the Great Depression a lot of families are going back to the “old way” of doing things with the young adults going back to the nest so that everyone conserves financial resources.

One of my best friends and I were talking about this very subject not more than a month ago. He, his wife, and their newborn baby had moved out of their previous place and into his parent’s house to help everyone save money. So instead of two households struggling they came together and were able to make things work a little better. My friend was able to get some stuff paid off and get ahead a little bit to the point where they were able to buy their first house. I’m happy to report that by the time everything was said and done they actually came out on top and almost completely out of debt.

There’s nothing wrong with relying on friends and family for common purposes. We all need help every now and then, and in hard times like we’re facing now there’s no shame in banding together and trying to help each other out. There’s strength in numbers, as the old saying goes.

It’s a lesson that I’ve had hammered into me quite a bit the last few years. For a long time I felt depressed and ashamed at the position I’d found myself in, but it wasn’t until I had a conversation with my grandma the other night that made me realize how wrong I’d been about the whole thing. She listed a lot of things I’ve done or helped with over the last year that has helped my parents out or things that they might not have been able to do without me. She reminded me that in times like these it’s not always about money. It’s about love, support, and being there for each other in all areas, not just financially. We all have things we can contribute to make a family stronger and to make the lives of everyone a little easier and less stressful. The key is to focus on what you’re able to contribute as opposed to worrying about what you can’t.

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